Strength in Humility

Sorry it’s been a stretch since my last post.  I got off to a great start on this blog thing, then I blinked and it’s two weeks later.  I’ll try to get better about my updates on this journey to Grandma’s marathon.  Eight weeks to go… good grief, I’m starting to hyperventilate again!  (Just kidding… kinda…)

Rest assured, my training continues on course.  If nothing else, it is a humbling experience.  I’m a part of the marathon training clinic at the Running Room in Burnsville and continue to attend our weekly clinics.  Nevermind that I’m one of the oldest folks in the group.   They are all wonderful people and super encouraging.  They let me take this training on my own terms, especially as I take our leader’s advice to heart – “listen to your body.”  Sometimes my body is screaming bloody murder, but it’s only because it is wondering what the heck it’s doing, running up and down a hill 6 times in a row!  Yes, I’m even doing hill training.  Did I mention this is a humbling process?  I’ll write more about the hills later.  I want to explore this idea of humility a bit more for the moment.

Two weeks ago, my long run was 14.5 miles.  I started out that Saturday morning at 6:20 am, running to the Running Room in Burnsville to join the Saturday morning group for part of this run.  I stayed with the group for 5 miles, then went off on my own to finish up the rest of the miles.  It was a beautiful, cool morning and I felt pretty good.  I did miscalculate the distance though, and stopped running at 15 miles, which was still 1.5 miles from home.  I figured I’d just walk the rest of the way, a nice treat after such a good run.  But clouds rolled in and it started to rain.  I was getting chilled so decided to just finish the distance by running home.  So technically, a 16+ mile run.   It was longer than I was supposed to run, but I still felt good that day, and the next, so no harm done.  And truth be told, it was quite a confidence boost.  Nice!

The following week, kept with the program and had a good week.  I planned my next long run – 16 miles – for Saturday.  Given how it went the week before, I was feeling good.  I knew I could go the distance, based on the prior week’s run.   But there were a couple factors that I knew would be challenging.  I had a work commitment at St. Kate’s on this Saturday, so I brought my running gear with me to run after my presentation.  This meant that I didn’t get started running until about 11:45 am.  And instead of cool temps, the thermometer read 72 degrees when I started.  By the time I finished my 16 mile run that day, the temperature was in the mid-upper 80s, way too hot for this chick.  Needless to say, the run was awful.  By the time I hit 14 miles, I was breaking up the run into half mile segments… run a half mile, walk a minute, run a half mile, walk a minute… my legs felt like lead, my body was exhausted and worse yet, in my mind I felt totally defeated.  My only thought, besides hoping I made it back to the car, was “what the heck was I thinking, signing up for a marathon???”   Definitely a humbling experience. 

It took me a couple days to get my head back in the game, although I was still pretty leery when I got back to running on Monday.  It didn’t feel great and I ended up not going as far as I had planned.   Tuesday was the same… ugh.   I’m happy to say that by Wednesday, I felt better and got back out for a decent jaunt.  During that run, I started thinking about what a humbling experience this journey to the marathon has been so far.  And as I thought about that, was reminded of another journey where humility was a theme:  when we were working with hospice to care for my mom in her final weeks.  One of the lessons I learned from my mom during that time was that there is great strength in humility.

My mom was a very strong woman.  I remember when the doctor at Mayo met with my mom, my sister and I after the results of her tests came back and confirmed she did indeed have pancreatic cancer.  We asked how long mom had left and the doctor said, as doctors do, that it was hard to know.  But, he said, people with this sort of cancer normally have a few months, maybe six to nine.  My mom, without missing a beat, said “I guess I have some cleaning to do.”  No time to cry… we had cleaning to do.  And we did.  We got started cleaning her house the following Saturday. 

Mom did opt to try an experimental treatment for pancreatic cancer that seemed to have some positive results for patients, extending their lives by months, time they would not have normally had without the treatment.  When her results were not as positive and the negative side effects further compromised her health and adversely affected her quality of life, mom decided it was time to stop treatment and sign on with hospice.    She died just about 7 weeks later.  

As you can imagine, her health faded pretty quickly.  The hospice nurses were great, helping us learn how to care for mom during this time.  Administering medications, tracking changes in her response to the medications, giving her shots multiple times a day to replace the insulin her withering pancreas was unable to produce, administering blood thinners to treat the blood clots she had developed as a result of the treatment, monitoring and managing her pain with powerful medications that had equally as powerful side effects.  As we fumbled through our learning curve, mom was always so grateful for the care we provided, as awkward as it was at times.   As she became weaker and she needed more assistance with bathing and taking care of bodily functions, she showed great strength by accepting our help with grace and gratitude.   Not once did I ever see her wince when we gave her a shot, or grumble or lash out or cry as she saw her health fade rapidly before her.   She always said thank you for everything we did.  It was during those times when I realized that there is great strength in humility.  As she humbly accepted the process, her failing health and the fact that she needed to rely upon our assistance and care, she did so with great strength.    I will never forget it.

So as I reflect on the humility inherent in my journey to Grandma’s marathon, I think of my mom and the lesson she taught me about the connection between humility and strength.  I will continue to draw upon this thought as I face the long runs to come… including the one on June 16^th – 26.2 miles to be exact.  I know mom will be with me…  She will probably be saying thank you for doing this in her memory.  (Either that or she’ll be saying “what were you thinking, running a marathon???”  :-)  Truth be told, she’ll probably say them both …)


Paula


p.s.  Because I am running as a fundraiser for the National Hospice Foundation and two local hospice programs - the Regional Hospice Program in Hayward and the Deaf Hospice Program, I told some people that I would put the link to my fundraising page at the end of each post so it would be easy to find.  Here you go:  http://www.active.com/donate/runtoremember2012/runpaularun